I don't know how it happened, but I've become a part of the self help, spiritual guru, rainbows, unicorns, namaste "hippy dippy" (that one's for the East Coast), 5D out of this galaxy world. I went from being considered a "free spirit" to all out "insane - IN A GOOD WAY" (yes, finger quotes). I went from a mostly private experience of life, sitting in the dark, in a cubicle on a computer choreographing dots (visual fx) to spending my days at my son's preschool helping in the classroom, getting to know each of the other children in the class that spend their days with my eldest. They still run up to me and tell me what's going on, and I'll never regret those moments. I do miss them now, when I dash to pick up my son at 5 pm, after a day of "hustling" in my family room turned art studio. Which brings me to now, I own and run my own company, Valtopia, and have accounts and white boards and schedules and responsibility and leadership. I have a “tv” live stream show weekly, with viewers and delightful transformation happening, I have published a coloring book, I have clients around the world, and I am seriously IN THIS. I am no longer able to lurk in the sidelines, losing myself in endless days of 7 day weeks with 12-14 hour days, switching off with the nanny and passing out for a few hours before it was time to do it all again. Or spending my days googling eczema and histamine intolerance and hours in the IBS forums trying to find out why my baby is breaking out every time he nursed. Hours in the kitchen making home made gluten free, dairy free, wholesome food. ( I even wrote a blog then for those of you who remember).
I don't miss the quiet, tense and painful silence interspersed with outbursts that used to define moments in our home. There was laughter and some moments of togetherness, but from my perspective, I always felt some level of disconnect, hurt or anxiety. I spent much of my time exhausted, foggy minded and in a lot of physical discomfort. All the hours of overtime I'd spent working in the film industry is terrible for the body. I had gone all in, though! I wanted to do fx art on films, and I loved working with the crew, and I was making money. I would make time on my own few hours off to STILL draw or sketch, or play music on my vintage gear (fender rhodes), and all the hours I was putting in took a toll. Eventually, I learned to navigate it properly. I requested the ergonomic furniture, and I remembered to stand up and stretch and breathe and not sit there like a hermit crab, cranking out fx for somebody, another movie that was over budget and out of time to finish the work we needed to do yesterday. I never stopped creating my art work, and I always found a way to make it happen. Sometimes it was all sketchbooks, because that was all I could do at the time. I'd find a way to paint at least ONE canvas a year with oil paint. I would hire personal trainers, or had private pilates lessons, to keep my body at peak so I wouldn't get ill, and then not be able to continue. I learned to drink fresh pressed juices and snack on jicama, and NEVER EVER eat the nasty production food they'd feed us. I went through two pregnancies in production, working up to days before the babies were born. The damage was felt when I crashed hard as I had my kids, and my body reacted all kinds of crazy to everything, foods I'd been able to eat earlier in life now caused dreadful reactions. Having babies in my late 30s after all the time I’d put in working AND partying was not an easy glide into mommy hood, I can tell ya that.
But I CAN tell you that I am ever grateful for my little iPhone, and all the connection I’ve made in these years that has lifted up my spirit and brought me back into the me that I love and feel truly offers something to the world and the me that is joyful and loving and creates magic in our family that inspires us to BE more present, more alive and BE the change we desire in the world. It is a process! To go from not telling ANYone my business to sharing so much of my life to find and build my tribe, has been a great test. I am feeling so grateful to have the platform I’ve created. A wonderful community of connection where magical experiences and shifts happen daily! A beautiful website that is easy to edit and share all of the gorgeous drawings and paintings I receive! But most of all a loving husband and family who delight in my growth and sharing and creation of Valtopia with me! I know that this kind of communication is what everyone craves, and it is how we bridge our experiences, our stories, and allow life to happen. And resistance is a bitch.
I love and thank you resistance, for protecting me from all the bad stuff that could possibly happen to me if I DO open up and share my story, and if I do stretch beyond my comfort zone and allow myself the time to think and do and create a reality beyond the one now that is NOT the one that isn’t completely in alignment with my inner knowing and guidance. YES, we are always shifting and there’s more expansion and yes, now I have stepped into this self help world, I must step up and into my life fully. I’m coming. I’m still beefing myself up, replenishing my cup of creativity, inspiration and energy. I needs it. I was shut down for a long time and on reaction mode. We don’t live like that any more. We can ALL stop, take a deep breath, and assess the situation from a place of CHOICE, not circumstance. THAT is what I talk about. THAT is what I help to create. THAT is my platform and expression of choice, via art, music, my love, my energy healing and transformation that is just naturally a part of who I am. It flows as it’s meant to. If I’m quiet, I’m busy creating, learning, and stretching myself to be there for myself, my family, my community, my world, my universe, our experience, you. You reading this, if you still are, if you resonate, I’m doing this for you. Because I had others who inspired me. When I finished working on my last film and was home with my son as he started Kindergarten, I would spend my evenings and made time to begin learning voice over. I had always loved playing with my voice, and I KNEW it was meant for me. I was so afraid to ask for and admit to this luxury of voice over classes, but I knew I needed it so intuitively, that I took the plunge of investing in it. I LOVED the classes and my teacher, Tish Hicks, was such an inspiration of force, focus and fire. At the time I took the class, I was feeling like I was in a hole and would someone please reach in and give me a hand up and out. She cracked the surface of what needed to be released! Adele Cabot opened me up to the next level with breath work and magical inspiration - she’s a master! I express so much gratitude and heart felt thank you for your leadership and love. From that point I was ready to start asking the questions of myself I needed to, and seeking the help and connection I so desperately needed to grow, expand and step up and into MY life and MYSELF. And that is where the self help, energy healing and spiritual expansion truly lifted me up and out of the contracted, trapped place I'd gotten into by playing safe and silent. When I feel triggered, I shut down. I learned at a young age the easiest for me was to be quiet and shut down response. I think many of us learn this, and for me it kept me trapped in a mentality where I would respond unconsciously to situations that upset by shutting down. Rather than responding or taking action, I would literally get lost in a mind swirl of shock, shame and silence. I’d come around eventually and take the next step and action, but lots of stuff was happening in between that I might have avoided had I been coming from a place of present response, rather than my little girl of five having a field day with my life NOW! She’s still here and colors my experience, sometimes in a good way and sometimes not so much. We are a process and we are doing this. Thank you for joining me in my conscious, creative experience.
So many of us experience anxiety at different levels. We feel shame that we aren't living effortlessly doing everything magically. We have too much to juggle and not enough time and space to just be and become, or so it feels. We get lost in those triggers, or exhaustion and the self help, spiritual guru, rainbows and angels are lifting up our spirits and energy, and allowing us to focus, release old worries and anxieties so we CAN step up and not only help ourselves first, (so we don’t drain the hell out of everyone), but also our families and out from there. I contribute a portion of my income to charitable causes I believe in that extend far beyond my immediate community, and I contribute my time in my community in various events and I need to keep it going in the most positive, expansive, kickass way I know because that is how I thrive, and I want to thrive so that WE thrive. So I hear you on your political opinions, and I have mine, but I’m starting here with what I feel great doing and sharing so that I can keep going with this, and being here for my tribe that tells me how much I shine for them in their dark days, and inspire them to keep stepping up and into their lives. The effect of love and leadership takes different tones and shapes. Do and be the one that resonates truly with you right here, right now. And keep going and expanding on it.
If you'd like to chat with me and know more about my expansive journey into spiritual entrepreneurship as an intuitive artist and energy guide, I'd love to hear from you info@Valtopia.com.
If you resonate with my energy and love and know that I am here to guide you in your expansive journey to your most kickass experience of life, check out my current offerings. I am very creative in my methods and I like to keep it fresh, so sign up and stay tuned.
Much love and respect to you.