Sometimes, we are so scarred emotionally, we are too afraid to even feel. We may see and know it on some level, but we are just so traumatized some where inside of us that the very ability to allow ourselves to feel gets shut off as soon as possible.
Like blackout, freak out, trip out, don't even know you're doing it impossible sabotage queen ridiculosity.
ANYTHING BUT FEELING. please. Don't make us feel, because we sure as heck don't know why we are freaked out but we can tell ya, don't do it. Just don't do it.
I don't know why, but don't!
And then here come the distractions. Very real and pertinent and impossible and all allowed in, and our feelings get to go back in their compartments and we get to stay the same. Because we feel as if we might die if we try to crack into there and change the program about don't feel or you're FUCKED. Don't do it. And "into there" is behind the ancient walls put up around our hearts eons ago.
Once I started to feel a couple years ago, as in REALLY feel my feelings, allow what was coming up and then take inspired aligned action to shift my life to feel GOOD and true to ME, I didn't think I'd be facing some of the moments I've had these last few months. MORE feelings, more depth, and in the last couple days the energy has really been excavating down into the deepest levels to these areas where we are in reflex, subconscious depth of automatic reaction that we aren't even aware or knowing how to transcend. As I tune into these awarenesses and truths, and my detachment and compartmentalization and the closure and limits I've put on myself unknowingly, or knowingly, but out of a deeply rooted place of fear and just NO, I feel more integrated into all of me, and trust that as I move into this and really let go, so much fresh perspective, awareness and inspiration will come in.
The walls are coming down, the scars are healing, the programs are getting wiped clean, and we have the green light to feel and not give one fuck about whether it's right or wrong, allowed or not allowed, or looks funny or any kind of judgement. Only we know what we truly feel, know and need. Our vision is OURS to bring through, ours to love, ours to LIVE.
Our feelings are meant to guide us within balance and integration, and if certain ones tweak us to distraction that they don't get to be, they will start screaming from the depths of your being. Let them free.
<3 <3 <3
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