I was just washing dishes and all this creative impulse filled my mind and it occurred to me, all the times I used to be in my old kitchen when I was still married and not living aligned. I remember how I used to just be filled with anxiety and worry in my mind all the time!!
If I could talk to the old me I’d say:
Hey Val! While you were doing the things you “had” to do, like clean all
Those dishes so perfectly they gleam, or wipe down those surfaces a bit more sparkly, even though you were exhausted and felt other desires pulling you, you were repeating the same bitter misery in your mind, replaying fights and arguments, mulling over everything in anxiety and terror of what ifs and dreadful case scenarios, wondering how did life get so small and isolated and scary and impossible, kids screaming and shouting at each other in the background, dreading the moment we’re all stuck together as a family and the tension just triggers every old wound in your body that your guts literally shut down, yeah while you were doing that, and spending time thinking about all that and how bad it sucks and what’re you gonna do about it and how stuck you are and how you can’t do this or that, and what will THEY think,
I have been over here chillin’ with our kids.
Yeah, Val, I just booked a few new clients with EASE, while I was getting my nails done. Yeah we get our nails done, now, Val. And I get massages and I have time to myself to think, grow and evolve far beyond where you are right now. I’m a blonde!!
And you know what I think about when I’m tidying our beautiful new studio in Venice beach and the kids are playing nerf darts together in their bedroom?
I think about how we have a whole library of content that sells passively, and I think about our international clients and how phenomenal they are, changing their lives and the whole level of being for all, one day at a time! I think about our growing and evolving community, and how as I rise up, they do too. They’re establishing themselves as leaders, visionaries and luminous beings of creation that support so much positive shift!!
Instead of thinking about how everything isn’t what I want, and worrying, I’m busy creating. My mind, breath and being are BEING and BUSY dreaming and allowing the vision. That takes time and thought Val!”
That vision. That vision that won’t quit that’s always been with me. The one that called me to leave my family at 16 and live in a country across an ocean from them for a year!! The vision that pulled me to study in Boston at 18 and knew I’d live in New York City and Los angeles, even though my family was living in Oklahoma.
The vision that pulled me to know I’d combine art and technology and also studied anthropology, because I had a deep interest and desire to understand behavior and history and people. The vision that had me study art history instead of fine arts, which totally messed with my ego as a young artist, but I followed the directions from within.
The same vision that pulled me to Los Angeles when I hadn’t yet finished my fully paid MFA and didn’t yet have a job. The same vision that led me to learn complicated technology that made NO sense to me at the time and I was working with people who had advanced degrees in aerospace and engineering and programming.
The same vision that had me marry and have kids as if my kids were calling us in (yes). That same vision that allowed me to start DREAMING AND CREATING over a sink of dirty dishes instead of WORRYING, RUMINATING AND DESTROYING and evolve through a terrifying split of our family, and those days where I had no clue how we would survive or be on our own and take care of our boys by myself.
“Val. Quit worrying. Quit what if and shoulding yourself and get some positive upliftment in your ears STAT!! Stop bitching to your mom and your friends about how miserable and frightened and fucked you are and shift it! Invest that money, do the thing, follow the trail because it just keeps getting better and better!!!! And it all comes together in the most miraculous way, you could never have known how fun and amazing it all winds together after you get through the insanely challenging and scary AF time you have to go through now. Chin up mama. Get fit. Get good. Keep going. Stay the course. You got you. You’re such a badass. You help people around the world every day remember to
CREAT DO NOT RUMINATE
You teach them they are such
Yeah you!! You’re a leader and you run your own company and you stand up for yourself in a boss way, and you know what you feel and what you want and you do and be it relentlessly, compassionately and with abundance and excellence. Your impact ripples wider daily with LOVE AND CREATION.
Your thoughts, your feelings, your space, your needs and desires - they are everything to you accomplishing and allowing this shift. Give it everything girl. Don’t you forget it.
I LOVE helping you remember yourself and become queen of creation, destroyer of rumination!
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